The pieces of emotion

We feel sad because we cry, angry because we strike, afraid because we tremble, and neither we cry, strike, nor tremble because we are sorry, angry, or fearful, as the case may be.- quoted by William James,one of the founder of James-Lange theory

Emotion is a feeling that you experience. It is a stage of your mind when there is interacting with biochemical and environmental influences. In year 1980, Robert Plutchik created a wheel of emotions which consisted of 8 basic emotions joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger and anticipation.

Emotion is a stage you are uncontrollable.It's just like the feeling of hungry, thirsty all this kind of feels it will automatic released by itself. Hence, be smart when you talking to your friends or partner who are emo-ing. You have to be smart to avoid conflict if they are under ANGRY phase. There are some phrase you should avoid and shouldn't say out !

1. "Calm down !"
--> As natural, whenever you trying to calm people you will slide out the words "Calm down" naturally. Instead of calming people down,it will make people more upset. Because, he she will spend more time to defending his reason for being upset in the first place, which just amplifies his frustration or anger.So, why don't you have a try with the phrases like "I see you're upset, is there anything I can do to help?"

Remember, conflicts are never resolved when the person is upset!!

2. "What do you wan me to do about it"
--> "I'm not going to help you", "I don't care","You are being unreasonable in expecting me to help you" and "It's was not my problem", will this phrase familiar to you? All these words may immediately discredits yourself as a responsible person or as an ally.You need offering helps to the angry person to solve the problem instead of create problems. Instead, try phrase like : "How can I help you" or "Is there anything i can help?"

3. "Grow up ! or Be rational"
--> This is sound like invitation for more conflicts and justified them with just inflame the situation. Try avoid this with "What's wrong with you" or "Are you okay" in a concern tone. These phrase will help pacify the person's emotion and allowing him to settle down.

4. "What's your problem?"
--> Don't asking for trouble when you slide out this phrase. It sounds offensive tones and set the dynamic feels between you and listeners. You will sound like wanna have a bit or versus with him or her.Instead, try "What's the matter?" or "Whats wrong". It is sound more likely want to start communication with each other to settle the problems.

5. "But........"
--> Keep "BUT" away!! It negates the previous statement, causing people to both disregard the previous statement and to interpret what next coming next as negative. Instead using "But.." you are encourage use "AND" with calming and disarming tone to cool people down when things get hotter.

Article retrieve from Tony Chatman, The Star newspaper on classifieds section, 19/08/2010